Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Hello visitor,

I am a 20-something desi who hails from Pakistan. I have been a devout muslim most of my life, but I started questioning things about three years ago. Like most religious people, I was content and sure of the veracity and truth of my religion, and never once thought I could question it one day. It provided me comfort, guidance, values and, what I initially thought, a comprehensive way to look at this life and universe.

Over time, to my utter surprise, my faith has been shaken and dismantled to the extent I never thought possible.

I thought I had answers to everything, but it was humbling to realize that I knew very little. Over time, I have found it extremely arrogant of religion to make so many claims about our world with virtually no evidence. Letting go of the values and beliefs I was raised with has not been an easy experience. It has taken a lot of courage to doubt the certainties I was raised with; certainties, which even though appeared absurd and immoral at times, were re-assuring nonetheless.

This difficult journey has been a very personal one for me. I plan to share my experiences and tribulations through this blog; to help people in a similar dilemma as I was, to have meaningful conversation about religion and belief, and lack there of, and to persuade people to honestly re-evaluate the basis of their deeply held and cherished beliefs.

I have also been disgusted with the rise of religious extremism and intolerance in my home country -- Pakistan. I dream of a secular and free Pakistan, where it wouldn't be tabboo to hold any religious belief, or no beliefs at all, and a Pakistan where all humans will be treated with equality, dignity and respect irrespective of their faith, color or creed. A Pakistan where the ideals of equality, freedom and opportunity will unite and bind us together instead of narrowly construed religious dogma. A Pakistan based on humanistic values of love and compassion instead of one based on the superiority of one religion over the rest.

I hope to have meaningful conversations with my readers; conversations which enlighten and inform me, as well as enlighten and inform you, and at the very least, make you consider the possibility of a world free from all forms of superstition, discrimination and intolerance.

Happy reading!


  1. Interesting blog you have. Well if you are really a genuine seeker than you will never be able to get rid of this question that whether God exists or not. From time to time it will rise again and provoke you too answer it.

    I don't know at this young age how many books you have read. But to answer the most important question of your life you need to spend some more time on it without declaring yourself non Muslim. We all have doubts but time tell us the truth. All we have to do is search for the truth without actually showing the world.

    There is another way to see the truth. But first you have to accept that you have a weak faith. And then pray to Allah to increase my faith. And then if you are really a genuine seeker than surely Allah may show you something. It is called believing by seeing.

    Also try to read some books of Aulia of Allah or Sufis and see how their lifes were spent in searching and loving for Allah. It will give a new dimension to your search for truth.

  2. @ahmad

    Thanks for visiting. I agree. I wont be able to get rid of that question. My state of mind is not that I am saying that there is no God, but that I don't know whether there is a God or not, just like I don't know many other things.

    I do agree that with you that it should be useful to read more books. I don't agree that I shouldn't be declaring myself a non muslim. Unfortunately, we are labeled muslims, christians or hindus as soon as we are born in to this world. One shouldn't declare oneself to be of any faith till one really believes that faith to be the truth -- but this world is far from ideal :-)

    I don't think that its fair to believe before being confirmed of the existence of a God. People are surprisingly good at self deception and self contradiction, and people of all religions use similar arguments to justify the existence of their God(s).

    I have read a bit of the buddhist literature, and was impressed by their focus and methods on finding happiness, serenity and contentment in life. I haven't read any of the sufi literature, but will like to sometime soon. The two (sufi's and buddhist's) might be referring to the same phenomenon with different names, or maybe not. Will find out after I read some of the sufi literature.

  3. Hey there,

    Just found your blog. Am in the same boat -- a Pakistani girl (still can't quite call myself a woman for some reason ;-) ), former Muslim, who was an atheist for a while, but now I've found my way to Vedantist spirituality. I'm in touch with some liberal Sufi Orders too, but I've still got my issues with the Islamic tradition which I think is quite rigid compared to other spiritual traditions even in its Sufi form.

    "People are surprisingly good at self deception and self contradiction, and people of all religions use similar arguments to justify the existence of their God(s)"

    There is no rational argument for the existence of God -- from a rational perspective one has to be agnostic forever.

    The only thing that convinced me to leave my materialism was actual spiritual experiences through yoga and meditation.

    I look forward to following your journey. Be well!

  4. Welcome to the blog stumblingmystic.

    Most people associate atheism rather strongly with materialism, though this is probably because atheism is always seen in opposition and contrast to religion and people tend to associate spirituality more strongly with religion. Though there is nothing in the definition of atheism which prevents an atheist from being spiritual.

    I too find the materialistic outlook of life 'soul-sucking', so to say. I haven't read a lot about the eastern traditions, just a bit of Buddhism, but plan on reading more. I have found them to be deeply profound even from the little reading that I have done on them.

    Its great to have you as a reader here and I will be looking forward to interacting more with you.