Sunday, March 8, 2009

Scared of my own thoughts

I don't interact a lot, and mostly stay within myself. There is plenty to preoccupy my mind with. But as of late, because a few things didn't go according to plan, I was feeling uncertain of the future. Suddenly, there was nothing comforting to preoccupy my mind with. Uncertainty can be a very unsettling feeling.

I talked about my state of mind to a friend of mine to which he replied that perhaps I was scared of my own thoughts. The place where I found comfort and refuge had suddenly become a scary place to be at. That was a profound realization. He was partially right. I needed someone to save me from myself. Someone external to me.

Talking to friends and family, and realizing the source of the problem helped me a lot. That also got me thinking about the utility of believing in a God. This perhaps explains why people have always wanted a God, someone external to them, someone to turn to in times of uncertainty and need.

I still think that I have all the resources to deal with such conditions myself, but that is not always my first response. I am still learning. It takes effort and practice to build internal strength. We humans always turn outside for help. We can be so desperate that we can hold on to all manners of absurdities just because we want someone external to cling on to. Or perhaps its because we are always taught to look outside for help instead of inside.

5 comments:

  1. "An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support." Fulton J. Sheen

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  2. Thanks for the kind gesture guys.

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  3. hi, I sincerely wish you a happy life. But reality is you will not be able to get out of it completely unless you are sure withing yourself that God doesnt exist.

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  4. Hi Ahmad,

    Thanks for the sincere wish. I appreciate that.

    I won't ever be sure that there is no God, particularly of the form that most religions talk about. I am not trying to disprove the existence of any God to myself, or to others.

    What I have realized, and what I hoping I can make others realize is the fundamentally unsatisfying picture of the world that 'religions' have you believe in.

    I sincerely don't see great hope for humanity if we continue to take the answers that religions give us on the most fundamental questions without a healthy dose of skepticism, doubt and questioning. When I sincerely look at the arguments that I used, and some of the arguments that I have seen you mention, they just are not deep and satisfying enough. They are filled with emotion and feelings of love, and I appreciate that, but they are mostly just that.

    I am much more comfortable not knowing and not pretending to know than settling for answers that are deeply unsatisfying, logically as well as ethically.

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